This is a blog that I decided to start so people can benefit from the wisdom of my experience.....ENJOY!

Sunday, October 31, 2010

The perfect marriage?

When Dan and I got married, I was elated! I was finally with someone, my best friend, who I wanted to spend every single day with. Now, Dan's been gone for about a month. Right now the hardest thing is the separation.  During the week, I kill myself trying to finish work for the kiddies and for grad school so that I don't have anything to do over the weekend just to spend time with Dan. This weekend, however, I had a wedding to go to and Dan had to stay in Philly to study for a midterm. We weren't able to see each other this weekend. It's hard! And for some reason this week, it was extremely hard not having Dan around.

Some people say that this is the best marriage situation.  At first, I agreed, when we saw each other and had a disagreement, we settled it quickly.  We didn't have enough time to be mad at each other.  We settled it and continued on with our weekend. Now, it's just miserable! I miss my husband, my best friend. I married him to be with him, not just to see each other on the weekends.

I've decided that I'm probably going to move to Philadelphia permanently sooner than expected. I was going to wait until Dan was finished with Drexel to see if we were going to settle in Philly. But now I'm thinking just to find a job and live out there as soon as I can. If I could leave in the middle of the year, I would, but I made the choice to teach the kids I have now.  As far as next year goes, if I find a job, which ever job, I'm going out there.  To me there is no "perfect marriage", but as long as I'm with Dan and not just seeing him weekly, it would be pretty perfect to me.

** I know that this was all pretty sappy, but I'm in a sappy mood. I miss Dan and I hate having this feeling! :(

Monday, October 11, 2010

What if your heart is split?

Things are looking up when it comes to buying a house in Philly.  We found another house,  a cute little 2 bedroom townhouse in a nice neighborhood.  The inspection went well, mortgage papers are signed, and it looks like we are ready to close November 12th.

Now the fear sets in........

Lately, Dan has been living out of hotels going to class Mondays and Tuesdays.  He comes to New York Wednesdays and stays until Sunday.  I like having him here! :) I do miss him a lot.  When he's not around I have difficulty sleeping.  Our realtor, was nice enough to let us rent her townhouse until the closing of our house.  We just pay for one month rent and that's it.  Seems harmless enough, but now that means that Dan doesn't come to NY on Wednesday! I wouldn't see him until I go to Philadelphia on  Fridays.

That's the part that I hate! It was bad enough for 3 nights, now an entire week would be torturous! I love Brooklyn and New York, but now my husband and my life will be in Philadelphia.  Part of me just wants to find a part-time job out there (and I found a few) and just go.  The other logical part of me knows that I'm the only one working and in a month we are going to have a mortgage to pay.

The other fear is making a life that's away from something that is familiar and what I have known all my life.  Only once in my life I left, to Pennsylvania of all places and now it's sucking me back in! LOL! The first time didn't pan out too well.  I made some life-long friends, but I never actually made it.  I ran back home. Now, Dan and I have something permanent out there.  It looks like Drexel will be a place for Dan to make a name for himself.  It looks like this will be a place for us to make a life and raise children.  Am I ready for this? Can I actually make it this time? Those are the questions that plague me day in and day out!

Hopefully, as we get closer to the closing date, my fears will subside and my heart/feelings are only temporarily split in two!